Updates Coming

To Anyone Still Reading,

Boy, it's dusty in here, isn't it? My sincere apologies. Looking back, I'm pretty sure I burned myself out publishing everything I came out with last year, and I haven't coped with it well... by which I mean I've been playing too many video games and posting lewd anime girls on Twitter, rather than writing in the little free time I've had.

Which isn't to say I haven't written! I've got two stories out on submission, three connected shorts in first draft, and a partial draft of another short story that I, frankly, loathe and will probably set on fire before I touch it again.

And, well, that happens. Sometimes stories go in the trash. Hopefully I'll get back in the groove soon and get you something properly titillating to read.

Speaking of! If you haven't read some of my older smut that I posted on the blog, I recommend taking the chance to do so soon. I'm going to be moving my sexy story posts off the blog and onto my Patreon within the next week or so - the main reason being I don't like having an adult filter on what's supposed to be my main base of sales and operations. On the bright side, patrons will get a story that's previously been exclusive to Monstrous Seductions for as little as a dollar. Not bad!

Did I mention I have a Patreon? No? It's because I've been terrible at updating that too - I started it earlier than I planned because of the big rate shift. But that's going to change pretty soon, along with more posts here, more stories, more sexy monsters, more More MORE...

*ahem* I think you get the picture. And if you've stuck with me this long, I sincerely appreciate it. I'll try to make myself worth your while. :-)

-Lea

Tools of the Trade: My Favorite Writing Gear

Hello all! Welcome to 2019! (Have I posted before now in 2019? Yes? Just once? Jumping cock-goblins, I need to do a better job keeping this blog updated.)

Anyway never mind that. I thought it might be nice to share what I use when I'm writing and discuss why some things Work for me and why some things Work Not At All. Is this a subtle excuse to interrogate my own writing process and figure out why I'm jammed up? Yes. Yes it is.

Now sit down and read! There will be a test.*

Notepad and Pen

This is the most-most-most important equipment I have in my writing arsenal, and while it's certainly possible to do without these I don't know of many people who do. In my case I use Uniball Jetstream pens, as recommended by this absurdly in-depth article on Wirecutter. I freely admit this is a weird affectation but after years of getting annoyed with the Pilot G2's odd flash-y bits, I think I deserve a quality writing implement! Especially when it's cheap.

I also use a small Moleskine notebook, hardback with a place marker. I carry this thing around in my pocket all day so it has to be durable. I could probably find something cheaper that does the same job (possibly better), but this works for me. You are of course not bound to follow my brand recommendations.

A Keyboard

It is possible in this day and age to write everything you ever write on your phone, and even format it and publish or submit it! Buy a keyboard anyway. Possibly I'm old, but I can't abide writing on an iOS or Android touch keyboard for any length of time. And autocorrect, dear God autocorrect, you tax me so. I've actually turned that off entirely on my phone, and while I still make plenty of typos they are at least mine.

I'm not going to recommend a particular keyboard because I don't have a particular favorite. I do prefer big chonky mechanical keys over the newer flatter key style. (People sell mechanical keyboards for stupid amounts of money - I'm not talking about those, I'm talking about the older larger keyboards with proper keys. I may have the wrong term.) I also prefer plastic Windows keyboards over Apple's metallic mess - hard on the nails. But Bluetooth keyboards are cheap and pretty much just work with most phones.

Email

Obviously if you're submitting manuscripts you need some kind of email client, but I'm listing it here because it's an easy way to put your work somewhere where you can get to it from most places. I don't have a single stable computer I can spend a lot of consistent time on, so I need to be able to get to my work from wherever, and copy-pasting it into an email works quick and easy.

There are a feeew security concerns if you do this, but unless you're already a successful author you probably don't have to worry about people stealing your work. However, you do have to worry about lost passwords, email providers going out of business, and trolls or accidents deleting all your email, so don't use any email provider as the sole repository for your work.

Dropbox

Dropbox! Dropbox! Our Lord and Savior! Or maybe you prefer Google Drive. I'm not one to judge, but Dropbox is the thing that works for me. There are basically three steps to backing your work up: put it on your computer, put it on a spare drive, and put it in cloud storage. If you do that consistently your work will survive most of the catastrophes that could cause you to lose it.

Scrivener

I'll be honest, I don't actually like writing in Scrivener that much. There's a lot of fiddly bits I've never successfully fit into my process and I've even given up on breaking my manuscripts into different pieces, which is what Scrivener does best! And when you don't do that it's just kind of a pretty good text editor. That said, for self-publishing eBooks I find it indispensable. It's a snap to format a manuscript, slap a cover on it, and run it through Kindlegen to get a nice .mobi file to upload to KDP (or create a .epub file for anything else). It's also a cheap tool with a generous license. Go get.

(If you're submitting manuscripts you need Word, or OpenOffice or LibreOffice but probably Word. Not going to list it because fuck that document format and its black work.)

Google Tasks

My #1 tool for keeping track of what I need to do and when I need to do it. Why? Because it's integrated into Gmail and I use Gmail. That's it. It's a bare-bones task list, but the ability to throw in notes and links and set due dates, and have an app on my phone with a little notification tick that tells me how much I have to do in a day, is about all I need.

Then there's Trello. I've gone on about Trello before and I am probably going to dive back into it at some point, but it is a fairly powerful tool and I still haven't perfected the way I want to use it. I was using it to keep track of all the projects on my plate, and I still think it's super useful that way, but I tried using it for outlining and it... did... not... quite... work... out. I'll get there, or throw it under the bus with Asana.

KDP Rocket

If you don't know, KDP Rocket is a tool that pulls sales data from Amazon and search data from Google and claims to help authors pick strong keywords for their self-publishing projects. And it does do that! I think? Because I can't really prove it's doing that accurately without a fair bit of work. But I did use it to pick some keywords for my projects last year, and it... may have helped my sales? I think?

The problem with tools that help you optimize your search ranking or your keywords is that it's very hard to determine if you've purchased virtual snake oil, particularly if you know jack all about SEO. And there are a lot of other factors that go into success, like: is the book awesome or does it suck, how's the cover look, did it get good reviews, was it selling well last week, did Amazon throw it in the adult gutter because a woman's breasts dared to produce milk on page?

All I know right now is that I have a tax-deductible way to view Amazon rankings quickly and easily... assuming it works. If you've used KDP Rocket let me know in the comments? Or share any other tool you've had some success with, for that matter.**

I hope something in there was helpful. If you'd like more, I'm doing a series on project management for smut writers you can catch up on here, or feel free to check out one of my books.

-Lea

*There will not be a test.

**An honorable mention to Buffer, which is not a writing tool per se but has been damn useful for working with Twitter.

How To Waste A "Writing Day"

There's been an article by Anne Helen Petersen going around about how millennials are "the burnout generation". And I feel it! I feel that article so hard. Writing smut for you all is great, but I do have a day job that demands actual work, and I have to sandwich my writing time in where I can.

But sometimes I take a day off. Call out sick, claim the dog's gotten stuck in the dishwasher, whatever. And I think to myself: "Self, today is the day you're going to knuckle down and get your manuscripts back on track. You're going to get up at a reasonable time, write like the wind, and succeed at all the things!"

Ha.

Ha ha ha ha.

Here are some tips for how to properly waste your Writing Day.

Step 1: Don't Get Started Right Away Or Anything

If you're anything like me you don't get to actually sleep in on your day off. You've got to usher the spouse and/or kids out the door, feed the dog, eat breakfast before you start vomiting stomach acid, etc. Give or take that's at least an hour of guaranteed faffing about before your Writing Day even gets started!

And then once that's settled: why, you've got to calm your nerves, haven't you? You've been so busy that you didn't actually plan for anything to jump in on, yesterday, when you should have. And you certainly can't think straight before the caffeine kicks in. Why not do something simple for a few minutes, like:

Step 2: Clean The House

Jesus Christ, isn't this place a pig sty? How are you supposed to get anything done when your house looks like the garbage heap from WALL-E? You've got to straighten up! Do some laundry, vacuum the carpet, throw the dishes in the dishwasher, take the dishes out of the dishwasher first, okay now it's fine.

You'll be amazed at how much of your day you can take up just doing basic maintenance on your living space. Hours of your day. All of your day, if you're energetic and fit. I'm not, so after getting the must-dos out of the way it's time to sit down for a minute and:

Step 3: Pet The Dog Like She's Never Been Pet Before

Modern working life only leaves us so much time to care for our animal friends, doesn't it? And can I help it if whenever I'm alone in my house, in my chair, the dog loves to immediately jump into my lap and demand the affection she's been starving for?

I'm not sure how many authors have posted how many cute pictures of their cats interfering with their keyboards in a humorous manner, but I promise you that dogs are just as good at this task if not better. And they don't tolerate being used as a keyboard stand all that well. So since you're stuck in your chair and you can't type properly, it's time for:

Step 4: Video Games!

No day off is complete without trying to catch up on the game of the week/month/year, especially when you just unwrapped it on Christmas morning two weeks ago! Sure, it's not actually writing or anything, but you've already been very busy on your Writing Day, so you deserve to take an hour and treat yourself. Maybe two hours.

And maybe while you're playing, your controller dies. Whoops! Time to shove the dog off your lap and go sucker Gamestop into a trade-in, maybe grab a code for that season pass you've been eyeing. And while you're out, you might as well:

Step 5: Dine Out Without A Notepad

Sure "real" writers carry a notepad wherever they go, but you've got your phone if you need to write on the go! Not that you're going to write while you're enjoying a delicious meal at Red Lobster, which your spouse hates because they used to allow smoking and it still smells.

Enjoy the cheddar bay biscuits, which will keep you from typing anything until you've washed the grease and cheddar off a couple of times. Then drive on home and realize:

Step 6: Oh Shit It's 4:30, Bullet Journal

Where did the time go?! You asshole, you've wasted the day! Your family will be home soon and you haven't done a damn thing except the laundry!

Quick, grab a bullet journal and write something. Anything. Curse Trump's name, memorialize the stupid thing your dog did ("Dog ate cat shit in the garden bed, appreciated but cannot kiss for a week"), remind yourself about the baby shower this weekend: put pen to paper, because it's Writing Day, damn it!

And once that's done, get through the evening, empty the dishwasher again, walk the dog, settle into bed, and start to think about what you can do with your next Writing Day.

-Lea

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