But sometimes I take a day off. Call out sick, claim the dog's gotten stuck in the dishwasher, whatever. And I think to myself: "Self, today is the day you're going to knuckle down and get your manuscripts back on track. You're going to get up at a reasonable time, write like the wind, and succeed at all the things!"
Ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Here are some tips for how to properly waste your Writing Day.
Step 1: Don't Get Started Right Away Or Anything
If you're anything like me you don't get to actually sleep in on your day off. You've got to usher the spouse and/or kids out the door, feed the dog, eat breakfast before you start vomiting stomach acid, etc. Give or take that's at least an hour of guaranteed faffing about before your Writing Day even gets started!
And then once that's settled: why, you've got to calm your nerves, haven't you? You've been so busy that you didn't actually plan for anything to jump in on, yesterday, when you should have. And you certainly can't think straight before the caffeine kicks in. Why not do something simple for a few minutes, like:
Step 2: Clean The House
Jesus Christ, isn't this place a pig sty? How are you supposed to get anything done when your house looks like the garbage heap from WALL-E? You've got to straighten up! Do some laundry, vacuum the carpet, throw the dishes in the dishwasher, take the dishes out of the dishwasher first, okay now it's fine.
You'll be amazed at how much of your day you can take up just doing basic maintenance on your living space. Hours of your day. All of your day, if you're energetic and fit. I'm not, so after getting the must-dos out of the way it's time to sit down for a minute and:
Step 3: Pet The Dog Like She's Never Been Pet Before
Modern working life only leaves us so much time to care for our animal friends, doesn't it? And can I help it if whenever I'm alone in my house, in my chair, the dog loves to immediately jump into my lap and demand the affection she's been starving for?
I'm not sure how many authors have posted how many cute pictures of their cats interfering with their keyboards in a humorous manner, but I promise you that dogs are just as good at this task if not better. And they don't tolerate being used as a keyboard stand all that well. So since you're stuck in your chair and you can't type properly, it's time for:
Step 4: Video Games!
No day off is complete without trying to catch up on the game of the week/month/year, especially when you just unwrapped it on Christmas morning two weeks ago! Sure, it's not actually writing or anything, but you've already been very busy on your Writing Day, so you deserve to take an hour and treat yourself. Maybe two hours.
And maybe while you're playing, your controller dies. Whoops! Time to shove the dog off your lap and go sucker Gamestop into a trade-in, maybe grab a code for that season pass you've been eyeing. And while you're out, you might as well:
Step 5: Dine Out Without A Notepad
Sure "real" writers carry a notepad wherever they go, but you've got your phone if you need to write on the go! Not that you're going to write while you're enjoying a delicious meal at Red Lobster, which your spouse hates because they used to allow smoking and it still smells.
Enjoy the cheddar bay biscuits, which will keep you from typing anything until you've washed the grease and cheddar off a couple of times. Then drive on home and realize:
Step 6: Oh Shit It's 4:30, Bullet Journal
Where did the time go?! You asshole, you've wasted the day! Your family will be home soon and you haven't done a damn thing except the laundry!
Quick, grab a bullet journal and write something. Anything. Curse Trump's name, memorialize the stupid thing your dog did ("Dog ate cat shit in the garden bed, appreciated but cannot kiss for a week"), remind yourself about the baby shower this weekend: put pen to paper, because it's Writing Day, damn it!
And once that's done, get through the evening, empty the dishwasher again, walk the dog, settle into bed, and start to think about what you can do with your next Writing Day.
-Lea
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